In French, aimer /ˈeɪmə/ means either “to love” or “to like”. One way of differentiating the two in context is to add an adverb when you aim for the latter. We, French native speakers, don’t often pause and contemplate what comes out of our mouth and what it says about our heart (Matthew 15:18).
A few semesters of applied linguistics made me not question what is but rather find sense in it. When my students want to say that they like something or someone in French, they often use aimer. The problem is that the syntax tells me one thing but the tone tells me something else — or more. For “like”, you can either add bien /bjɛ̃/ (“well”) or beaucoup /boku/ (“much”), which can seem absurd when you think about it, since the initial function of adverbs is to intensify meaning. But with aimer, in particular plus someone, it does just the opposite: it softens the meaning from love to like.
To non-native speakers, the intention behind aimer bien (“to like” and literally “to love well”) can be intriguing. What if it meant that the person who says it is in the active process of doing what it takes to love, not perfectly
but well?
…which leads me to my point.
Most of us don’t enjoy doing things that feel counterintuitive or unnatural. Yet the stuff we truly value in life will require us to strive for discomfort and honor what we preach. So, we do more things we don’t want to do (or stop doing the things we actually want to do) for the sake of love — not enjoyment.
That is self-control, that is discipline: the practice of doing what you don’t want to do when you don’t want to do it.
Internally, it looks like:
and
simultaneously.
Practically speaking…
I don’t like sharing about my struggles and risking blanks in conversations but I love highlighting God’s glory in my life.
I don’t like compromising outcomes and reducing the impact of my work but I love to co-lead on purpose.
I don’t like feeling awkward when I talk about sobriety and abstinence but I love living intentionally.
I don’t like staring at the text cursor every week or hearing my coach say I should accelerate my pace but I love writing.
I don’t like double-texting my dad or asking him loaded questions but I love the process of strengthening my relationship with him.
I don’t like having to stay with my family and friends in this season but I love the promise that is held in transitions.
I don’t like when the trainer on the screen says “just a couple more reps, we’re almost done” but I love my body.
I don’t like some of the corners in the mirror that my circle keeps holding but I love growing in accountable friendship.
The moral of the story is:
You don’t always have to like to love.
Care to share?
What are some things you don’t like but love?